Things I wish I’d said. Back then. When I was a timid, mousey, terrified new teacher. (How many of my blog followers remember me from back then ay!?)
1. To the Samoa College boys who put condoms on my car windscreen on my very first week of my first teaching job.
“I believe these are yours? Sized super small – like your (ahem) and your brains?
2. To the student who confidently announced “Miss, did you know that I was abducted by aliens last year?”
“Really? And they didnt want to keep you? I wonder why…”
3. To the man on the school board interviewing me for an english teaching position ( at the most expensive private school in Samoa) who asked, “Will you be getting pregnant in the next few years? Because its very disruptive for the students when teachers go on maternity leave.”
“Will you be planning on using your sperm to fertilize anybody anytime soon? Because its very disheartening when DNA as dumb as yours is allowed to reproduce. Oh, now excuse me, I need to call my lawyer so we can plan how best to sue your school…”
4. To the rugby playing sicko sixth former who made a girl cry by sticking his hand up her skirt and continually bullying her with sexual comments IN MY CLASS.
S I L E N C E. (followed by loud screaming.) Because I attached a silencer to the gun I used to shoot him. ( in the most sensitive of places.)
5. To the Principal who refused to ban that sicko rugby player from the team ( even though the sicko student had failed to meet all the academic requirements. And oh, did I mention the sicko student was sexually harassing girls left, right and center?)
“I have some more bullets left.”
6. To the student who said, “You’re so breetiful. I like you too much. You want I come to your house tonight and we is go together and pee alone?”
“I’m flattered. Truly. And yes, you are rather attractive as you tower over me with that leery smile, radiating 19yr old sex-crazed hormones. But I really think you should focus on improving your english enough that you can actually pass sixth form – so you wont still be here next year. Repeating AGAIN.
Yes. There are certainly a lot of things I wish I had done differently. How about you? Dont you just hate that? When you’re confronted with a situation that kinda catches you off guard and its only much later that you think of ALLLLLLLL the stuff you wish you’d responded with?