children, exercise, family., food, marriage, music, privacy, sex, U2, writing

106 Minutes of Sexual Intimacy

I always suspected I was a bad mother/wife/woman. And now I just had it confirmed. Some scientists  ( with nothing better to do with their time than find ways to make me feel bad), did a study on “What a Woman’s Perfect Day Would Consist Of.” And the results? Went a little something like this –
106 minutes of sexual intimacy
82 minutes of socializing with family and friends
78 minutes of relaxation with friends and family
75 minutes of eating with family and friends probably
73 minutes of prayer and/or meditation
68 minutes of exercise with friends
57 minutes of phone time talking to friends
56 minutes of shopping
55 minutes of watching TV …..and so on.

I read this and I’m like…are you out of your freakin mind? Is that really what you women out there in the world of scientific studies want, dream of, lust for and long for? You’re REALLY coveting 106 minutes of sex/intimacy? Please tell me you just said that because your Significant Other was looking over your shoulder when you filled out the nosey-poker form? And are you HONESTLY wishing for socializing with your kids, your family, your friends a close second? Or did you just write that because it would earn you points in heaven?

Because if this list looks like what YOU would write – then I’m a very bad woman. And very very alone in my bad-ness.

Because MY idea of a perfect day would go something like this…

1. Wake up to a completely empty house. Redolent with quietness. Because everyone has fed themselves, dressed themselves and taken themselves to other very important places , very far away. Like school.  Or the planet Mars. And they didn’t leave a mess either. They all made their beds, washed their own clothes, vacuumed the house and scrubbed the shower. Because they’re super-wonderful like that.
2. Go to a cafe and eat breakfast. An omelette with mushrooms, ham and tomatoes. Lots of maple syrup.  The Hot Man can come to breakfast too. (But he cant have any of my omelette. He would order waffles with ice cream. So then I can eat some.)

Then in no particular order, I would do any/all the following…visit a spa and have a massage, manicure, pedicure. Read a book, by myself. Write 5,000 words on my latest project. By myself. Bake cookies, by myself.  MAYBE go to lunch with a friend or two. Drink Diet Coke, by myself. Listen to Eminem, U2, Phillip Phillips, Norah Jones and stuff like that, by myself. Go water walking at the pool, by myself.  Go to a movie. Eat a chocolate lamington.

And yeah, I guess I would also engage in “Sexual Intimacy” – BUT NOT FOR 106 MINUTES – because I don’t care how amazing sex is, that’s just way too long to be naked and sweaty and acrobatic. I mean, get real, a zumba class is only 50 minutes of cardio. And I find it difficult to be smiley and look alluring and remember to breathe for that long, all while contorting one’s body to music. Without falling over. (And that’s WITH clothes on.)  So, sex can be on the list but it wouldnt be number one on there.

My ideal day would also include my children. In there somewhere. Like maybe a few blessed minutes before they go to sleep. Like when they’re already fed, dressed and have done all the dishes and their homework, then we would read stories together. One hug, One kiss. And then ‘Good Night!’ The Fabulous Five are most fabulous when they’re going to sleep.  My ‘perfect day’ doesnt look much like the scientific study.

No. Because I’m a freak who likes her personal space. To herself. Which means, I dont want to spend the bulk of my ideal day WITH OTHER PEOPLE. Not even people I love desperately. An ideal day would have lots of good food, good books, good music.

And most of all, SPACE. Lots and lots of space. Just for ME. To wallow in. Dance in. Delight in. Get drunk on.

Like I said. I’m a bad wife. Bad mother. Bad woman.

Clearly, I’m going straight to hell. I hope they have isolation cells for people like me.

So whats high on YOUR list for YOUR perfect day?

20 thoughts on “106 Minutes of Sexual Intimacy”

  1. I think they should really emphasize the term "average woman" here because you're not an average woman. Besides, under a thousand women isn't really a big enough test pool. I'm doing NaNo right now and my perfect day would be waking up to no obligations, computer already turned on and writing 10,000 words! Oh and for Zac Efron to make more movies I can watch when I'm bored of writing! It's not fair to ask women what they would prefer to do besides work because I can guarantee most will say anything to get out of working! PS. My NaNo username is write_obsession if you want to be buddies!

  2. I'm not entirely convinced (with those listed findings) that a diverse range of women actually took part in the above mentioned study/survey.. Lol cause my day is certainly not made up of those particular components.. To each their own I guess 🙂

  3. OH! Amen, Lani!! I'm a bad, bad Mother/Wife/Friend too then. I like your idea of the perfect day so much more. Sigh…Like Lan, I'm doing NaNo too and dreaming of the end – so perhaps I might just cut out the write 5K on current WIP, unless it wrote itself of course! 🙂

  4. See, this is the UP side to your SAD post last time…when the little ones are no longer so little and become more independent, it frees you up to write more, get those mani-pedi massage spa visits, and in general, develop end explore all those parts of you that aren't tied to being Mommy! So I don't call you bad…. I call you GLAD! I turned 52 this year, and since my son turned 18, I've gone back to school ( I'm now a licensed Massage Therapist) and I now have more time to develop my mosaic art passion! So I think women, real women, all enjoy SELF time, because so much of our lives focus on caring for others. So that alone time is truly heavenly….( as long as you can still have the other things when you need them!)

  5. Excellent connection and reminder, thank you. I need to make up my mind. One minute Im distraught the children are growing up and dont need me and then the next minute I wish they would all disapppear. LOL

  6. Hahaha. I have nothing better to do, and i'm a nice young "spring chicken" (grandma's words not mine) and even I dont want 106 minutes of sexual intimacy. Thats just too much. Like you I like my alone time. Which is why I live alone, with the dog. Sometimes I even push him off me for some space.

  7. i read your post, then i clicked over and actually read the article… and then the comments below it. disturbed and disgusted. why do people even bother making "studies" like this, as if i want someone to tell me what MY ideal day would statistically consist of!? i mean, jeez, get your own life!!never did care for the huff. now i never will.

  8. High on my Perfect Day list:-a good coffee with my notebook-a completed to-do list-dinner at somewhere you have to dress up with my husband -red wine and a catch up wirh friends

  9. Yup… We're built that way, I think! That's why being a grandma us the icing on the cake! You can enjoy the little ones, and hand them back to mommy and daddy when you've reached your limit and need the " me" time back!

  10. LOL! Because I'm out back busy cutting up glass and giving massages, and reading romance novels….see how long it took me to reply to this? Uuuuugghh! :-)))

  11. I think we may be sharing the same Spirit in two separate bodies. LOL! This is so very, very me. Thanks for the levity, now I think someone just broke something…. *sigh*

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