Sometimes I’m not sure how me and the Hot Man have stayed together for so long. We are such different people that I’m amazed we actually grew up on the same island and speak the same language. For example, winning the lottery. We were watching the lottery draw on TV and he said, “Imagine winning a million dollars? I just wouldn’t know how to spend all that money.”
Excuse me? Are you kidding? Did you inhale too much welding dust at work today? A measly ONE million dollars has your mind boggled? I would have no trouble spending that money. No trouble at all. In fact, I would have no trouble blowing 2,3,4…20 million dollars.
He is bemused. “But what would you spend it on?!”
Honey, what wouldn’t I spend it on? I could walk into the shopping mall right now and blow a million dollars in one afternoon. Not a problem.
He persists, “But what would you buy at the mall? There’s nothing there to spend a million dollars on!”
I am disgusted. He’s obviously been drinking too much Diet Coke. (Or gazing in delirium at my beautiful ever-shrinking luscious self…HAHA. Excuse me while I eat a donut.) How can he not remember that at the mall there are clothes, books, shoes, makeup that costs more than my car ( but will make me look like a supermodel), all new furniture for my house so it will look like Vogue magazine, rumnraisin ice cream and an iPad waiting, all with my name on it? And yes yes, some of the stuff has the childrens names on it too ( I’m not that selfish.) But the Hot Man doesn’t get it.He’s talking about savings accounts and sharing money with all our twenty thousand relatives ( I dont know why. Dammnit, tell them to go buy their own lottery ticket) And I’m wasting my breath trying to explain it. It’s impossible. We are chasms apart when it comes to spending money.
How did me and this man ever meet, date, fall in love, get married and then stay married for this long? Hmm, one thing I do know for sure – it’s a very good thing that our religious beliefs prevent us from buying lottery tickets. Because if we ever won a few million dollars? We would probably have to separate. Amicably. At least until all the money was spent.
(Which, if it was up to me, would only take one afternoon.)