children, Facebook, Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, parenting, raising teenagers in New Zealand, samoa, sex, writing


She’s beautiful. Smart. Friendly. Courteous. NOT a skanky ho. And dating JB. I dont know if I should laugh. Or cry.

I met JB’s girlfriend the other day. (No, not Selena Gomez.) A lovely young woman who, for the sake of this blog, we will call…Selena! Anyway, there I was at the Demon’s league practice when my eye chanced upon a girl who looked vaguely familiar. Why? Because I regularly peruse JB’s Facebook page and therefore know what his Selena looks like. Aha! Yes…it was her. Her little brother is on the Demon’s rugby team. How random is THAT!?

What did I do? (Wait for it…wait for it…the suspense is killing you I know.)

I walked up to her, said ‘Hi, my name is Lani and Im JB’s mum!”

She looked like a hunted deer. We chatted. She was pleasant, respectful, well mannered and rather likeable. Truly. And even asked me, “Umm how do you feel about JB having a girlfriend?”

What did I say? ( Wait for it…wait for it…no, I didnt bring out my girlfriend-killer-knife.)

I said, “Well I dont really like it to be honest, but I know that he’s old enough to make his own decisions and its part of growing up… Our main concern as his parents is his schoolwork. We dont want having a girlfriend to impact negatively on his education.”

She rushed to reassure me that no, she was not a class-skipping, teacher-swearing, homework-cheating loser. In fact, her parents were quite emphatic about exactly the same thing. Wow, this chance meeting was progressing rather nicely. It was going so well that I decided to go all the way, hit that homerun. Jump in feet first.

What did I do? (Uh-Oh.)

I took a deep breath and told her, “We love JB very much. We’ve tried to teach him certain things and we hope you will be able to help him keep to those standards. I hope you’re not a skanky ho – like so many other teenage girls these days who are running around having sex with everybody. We dont believe its a good thing for people your age to have sex and we dont want you and JB to have sex.”

Yes I said it. I used the words, SEX and SKANKY HO – in a conversation with my 16 yr old son’s girlfriend.

Selena blushed as much as a brown girl can blush. Flushed. And was speechless for a moment. Then she rushed to reassure me that no, she was not a skanky ho, no she didnt do things like that, no she didnt want to have sex with my son. (at least not now anyway) This conversation was getting better and better!

It was time to take the Demon home. Selena and I said farewell. I went home and told JB that I had met his girlfriend. Talked to her about sex. And schoolwork. And that I liked her very much.

What did JB do? (Wait for it…wait for it…) No, he did not disown me/burst into tears/curse and hate me forever. No. My ever-patient son just rolled his eyes at me. Sighed wearily. And said, “Whatever Mum.”

The next day he came home from school and told me (rather puzzled) “Selena said you’re really cool.”

So readers, its official.
1. I’m cool. ( How many years have I waited for my coolness to be acknowledged?!)
2. JB has a girlfriend and I actually like her. (Especially since she came over for JB’s birthday party and she was helpful in the kitchen, washed dishes with a smile and was super patient with the Beast.)
3. Teenagers seem to PREFER it when you talk straight to them. Parents – dont shilly shally about, even when you get to the tough stuff.
4. Selena must really like JB. Because I couldnt scare her away with my psycho mother, NO SKANKY HO’S AND NO SEX ALLOWED HERE straight talk.

Hmm..will have to try another tactic.

16 thoughts on “NO SEX ALLOWED.”

  1. Hahaha! I love this. You have to give yourself credit for raising such a well adjusted son in choosing such a resilient gf! Mama didn't raise no fool!

  2. lol@ had me rolling here…give yourself credit that your son has better taste and didnt choose a skanky ho..hehehe

  3. Thanks ladies! Most parents who hear what i said/did – totally get it, while other teenagers are horrified. Im just so grateful that i do have such a well adjusted and patient son who endures his psycho mother so well.Lani Wendt Young

  4. I tell my sons that if the skanky hos can pass the three-barrel test then I have no issues with them. Barrel 1: BB gun, Barrel 2: Shot gun, Barrel 3: Rifle with night scope; and you guessed it Big Momma's at the trigger!

  5. Thanks Lita – funny thing is – every teenager/young adult who hears about what I said and they are horrified. But most parents can totally get it!

  6. This is so funny Lani thank you for such great entertainment and thank you 'jb' for being such an inspiring teenager and letting your mum write about your life. xxxVanessa

  7. OMG Lani,This is by far the funniest post I have ever read. I'm so glad I hopped across to your blog. I'll be stalking you for sure now 🙂

  8. You go! Adults are too cautious these days and in an effort to seem hip and tolerant don't say the hard things. My husband told my daughter's first boyfriend that he did not want him having sex with our daughter, and that, yes (wait for it) we consider oral sex, sex.We sat our son's first girlfriend down and told her that we didn't want her having sex with our son. Our children are adults now, and I can't say that it all went down the way we want it to, but we didn't shirk our responsibilities. And it sounds like you haven't shirked yours either. Good job.

  9. wow Chloe, I thought I WAS pretty straight and up front and 'brave' but if i think about talking to my teen and his girlfriend about oral sex?! Im cringing, hiding under the table, running for the hills.LOL I appreciate hearing from other parents and their experience with tackling this issue with their children, it really helps. And like u say, it may not "all go down the way we want it" but I defn believe we do have a responsibility and Im going to keep working on fulfilling it.Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.

  10. lololol ~I mean laughs and laughs, tears streaming down my cheeks again!Oh this is so precious!All of it, I would have to retype your entire post to fully state how wickedly divine the depths of your love is. Sighs* ~Isa

  11. by the way horrifying a teen with your behavior does amazing things for their disposition..They get it real quick that you will will expose all their tender secret bits to the world. It makes them very cautious. Grins a delightful very large grin*

  12. I agree Isa, these children know I have no shame. None at all. Which means they better not have any shameful secrets they dont want their mother talking about and tackling head on!

  13. This is hilirious my three sons are still young, but your take on this parental cross road is interesting. I think you handled it with great pose and honesty thanks for the insight 😉

Comments are closed.