It took fourteen days for it to happen. For me to cry/freakout/meltdown/puke and rage – and ask, myself…the universe…the three legged dog on the side of the road…the uncaring blazing sun…the hot-as-hell little car with horribly useless air conditioning:
WHY THE HELL DID I MOVE BACK HERE???!!! WHY DID I LEAVE MY NICE CAVE IN NZ FOR THIS HOT HORRID CRAZY-EXPENSIVE PLACE?
I knew it would happen at some point. The crash was always coming. I’ve always hated the weather in Samoa (i’m not a beach person and to be perfectly honest, I loathe the outdoors.) I knew it would be hard to adjust. And i was prepped to be uncomfortable and whiney and irritable at times.
But yesterday it all hit me at once. Our shipping container has arrived and we’re unloading all our junk. I had only “helped” move stuff out of it for a very little while but the suffocating heat inside a steel box was too much for me. Heatstroke aint no picnic. I was dizzy, nauseaous, and angry at myself for being so useless and weak.
On the drive home, bumping over dusty potholes, I looked at this place I willingly chose to return to, with its centipedes and assorted other minor annoyances – and I was utterly decrepitly unhappy at the realization that this is my home again. WTH were you thinking?! Why did you want to move back here you idiot!
And then i cried. And was sick.
And even after drinking lots of ice water and sitting under a fan- i was miserable, surrounded by boxes and assorted junk that needed sorting. Yes, I know that in the grand scheme of things, we are very blessed to be able to move back home to Samoa and Im grateful. Most of the time.
But yesterday I wasnt. Yesterday was a depressing, awful day and i was hot and tired and sick. And I wished we hadnt moved here. Yesterday, for me, Samoa sucked.
Today’s going to be better though. Right?
Lani Wendt Young 
Loved reading this and grateful to be sitting in my nice cool house with the warmth of the sun just right and listening to the neighbours lawn mower and the planes flying over head…but YES tomorrow for you will hopefully be BETTER
Date: Fri, 24 Jan 2014 20:21:47 +0000 To: peteruef@hotmail.com
I miss you… And i totally KNOW you had a big smile when reading this! And no, knowing youre sitting in your nice cool house in temperate climate is Not helpful you meanie friend! LOL. Call u (when i get some credit…)
☺ hang in there Lani, you’ll see the benefits in time☺
I spent my childhood in American Samoa, and I didn’t appreciate it then. But I so truly miss it now. We’re just spoiled with the modern things we have in the states, that being back “home” doesn’t seem so appealing right now, but I don’t doubt you’ll love and appreciate it in due time. What amazing simple things that our people have at their fingertips that make life so pleasant…the readily available esi, giu and all the kalo your little heart desires.
Thank you,
Sandra Noa
Thank you Cassandra – those are reasons why we moved back and I just need to remind myself of them on the bad days…
Ride it out Lani, ‘this too will pass’ and …. you’ll be unpacked, house all pretty again and the heat will ease up sometimes … hang in there now ..
I sure hope so. Ugh.
I am having all of these feelings now, too. Part of me is internally counting down to this summer (when we return to the States) but mostly I’m trying not to wish my time here away. It truly is a blessing to live in Manu’a, but sometimes I just want to be able to spend an entire day without any bugs crawling on me or any sweat dripping off of me. Fa’amalosi, Lani!
It can be conflicting – very true. I see my children adjusting to life without excess and Im grateful for the blessing of being able to return home to live but yes, theres things that i find challenging.
If it makes you feel any better…there’s snow outside here, and everything is cold, and its 12 degrees (no idea what that means in celsius but I know it’s cold.) The streets are freezing and it sucks……too bad theres no place that has the “perfect” temperature.
So true Sherre, no perfect place or temp anywhere lol. I do hope i see snow this year during my travels though…but i dont think theres going to be any at RT in New Orleans.
E! ia e faigata le olaga – e le o se mea fou….onosai. Onosai. Fa’asamoa, Samoa = onosai – mea sili ua e toi fo’i ile atunu’u e magigo ai le agaga; agaga Samoa: Alofa
Faafetai lava for the encouraging words. I know its just the transition thats a little tough.
Talofai…..get over it! suck it up! and move on…..crying all done my sista
Thank you Penny.
Things always work out, it may not seem so at first but they do…long as you know the blessings behind it all…stay cool!
I appreciate that. Im hoping that once I get into my work and writing routine then things will be much better.
Lani. You just voiced all of my fears. We are coming back in July. Reed is going to be the mission president. Three years in Samoa! I am sure amazing adventures await. I, like you, sometimes struggle to see them. Be well.
Yes – its an exciting prospect BUT also not without some trepidation! I look forward to seeing you again.
Even when Samoa sucks you inspire me because I know your trying to smile through the puke…lol, stay encouraged, yes today is a better day. Step on those centipedes…maybe don’t, let them live w/their hundred legs traveling hundreds of inches to reach their destiny of ‘happiness’ wishing you the same for today. 🙂 reach your happy today…even if its hundreds of inches away 😉