Bella said that my dog Red is overweight. Actually her specific words were – “Red is so fat. SO SO FAT. He needs to go on a diet.”
I shushed her because hello, my dog was sitting right here next to me as I shared my donut with him. “Dont say that. Youre hurting his feelings! Besides, hes not fat. Hes big and strong with lots of muscles. Hes a warrior dog.”
Bella showed me a chart from Google with pictures and measurements for determining if a dog is overweight. And according to (stupid) Google, Red is kind of overweight. Specifically, Red fits in the category for Very Obese.
I was shocked. So was Red.
And then I was very worried. Because I love Red. He’s my emotional support warrior dog and I’ve already told him that he has to live for at least 20 years.
I announced to the family that today is Day One of making a change. Google says Red needs exercise and he has to eat less. We have to measure his food and take him out for walks and playtime.
I just went outside to exercise him.
Yes that was me running up and down in the yard throwing toys, calling out enthusiastically – while my warrior dog sat under a tree in the shade and looked at me. Befuddled. Wondering, ‘what is she doing? Its so hot and sunny, why is she running around for like a vasti?’
I am now tired and sweaty. And having an existential feeling of dread for my future. Because making your warrior dog exercise every day means you have to exercise every day too. 😵💫😱💀
Red is glad we have come back inside. I think he wants me to eat a donut.
#sendHelp #warriorDogDiary
Warrior Dog
