angelina jolie, children, motherhood, parenting, teenagers

The Curse of Daughters

May you grow up and have a daughter who is as horrible as you! Ha ha ha!

“She makes me so mad that I just want to tear her face into little bitty pieces like a tissue.” A while back, this is what a dear friend said to me about her teenage daughter, as she vented her frustrations with a moody, frustrating child. At the time, I was somewhat taken aback by the violent undertones in her email.

Well. Now, not only do I know exactly what she meant, I am getting so riled up by my own teenage daughter that I “just want to tear her sullen grouchy face into little bitty pieces like a tissue and then flush all those pieces down the toilet never to be put back together, even with the most powerful Horcrux spell ever.”

Does anybody else have a teenage daughter? (or am i the only one in the blogoverse who was having babies when I probably should have been trying to climb up the corporate ladder? Or I could have been stalking Ryan Reynolds before he became too famous to notice me. Or I could have studied ballroom dancing and been that wicked Latin lover dancing girl I always dreamed of becoming. Or a black belt in kung fu, now that would have been a nifty thing to have gotten. I could have gone to the Olympics and kicked butt. Maybe then scored me a movie deal. Then I would have met exciting people like, umm, like Jet Li! Or been best friends with Angelina J. Oh the list of useful things I could have been doing instead of having children at 20!) Back to teenage girls. And their moodiness. Sullen faces.Eye rolling. Deep breathing when asked to do something around the house.(Ungrateful, selfish bratbag.) My daughter has become a very challenging person for me to live with. I need to find new ways to communicate with her, new ways to parent. Ways that don’t involve screaming and ripping out my hair. ( and wanting to rip out hers.) Because I want this daughter and I to be friends. I dont want her to hate me. To count down the milliseconds until she can escape from her mother.

Which is all making me appreciate my mother so much more. Because when I look at this child’s sullen, foot stomping, shoulder shrugging self – I see me. 15 years ago. (Okay, I lie, I see me twenty-five years ago. Dammnit, I’m old.)

So, mum? If you’re sneaking around the internet spying on me, I want you to know – that Im sorry. For being such a “challenging daughter to parent.” And those times you called me “a little shit”? You were probably completely justified. (although i still maintain that calling me a “shameful slut” was totally undeserved and severely scarred my psyche. Requiring many hours of therapy.) But, Im thankful for the friendship that we share now. It gives me hope that me and my daughter can find our way through this sullen grumpy mess. Without too much cursing.

And if any of you have useful advice for those of us trying not to be witches to our daughters? Then by all means, share it here!

8 thoughts on “The Curse of Daughters”

  1. Haha! You make me laugh no matter how serious the post is. Seriously, you have a gift.My only daughter is my youngest, and she's nine. I hope things are always coming up roses between us, but she's a very strong willed, independent girl… so I doubt everything will be smooth. All I can say is GOOD LUCK! And remember– even if she doesn't appreciate it now, chances are that later in life, she'll be on her blog thanking you. 🙂

  2. I hear you sister. My daughter is only eight years old but she is an expert at eye-rolling,deep breathing when asked to do jobs. I can honestly hear her deep breathing when I am in another room. What do I do? It depends on how I am feeling at the time – sometimes I tell her to use her ventolin inhaler if she's feeling breathless (well, she is an asthmatic!) and sometimes I will tell her to check her attitude and change her amio before I have to do it for her. Anyway, it always ends up okay – she either laughs until she cries or just goes off and writes songs about how her mother doesn't understand her (usually 2 verses and a chorus). I am not looking forward to the teenage years, that's for sure!

  3. I may or may not have been one of those daughters!!! Now having just had my first child (a boy) has made me realise just how awesome my mum is and just how much of a brat I was. Still I hope God blesses me with a girl in a couple of years. I look forward with trepidation to teenage years. I hope by then God has also blessed me with (A LOT) more patience!!!!

  4. Hi Peggy, the thought of my daughter starting a blog at any time in the near or far future strikes dread in my heart. She's an excellent writer and will surely cut me to shreds with words…OR she could be thank me on the title page of her PUlitzer Prize winning novel! (now theres a happy thought. I shall cling to it and maybe it will give me the patience and cheeful disposition i need to be a better mother.) a 9 yr old? I have one of those too!Anon, I am laughing ( and deep breathing) at your daughter and HER deep breathing. I think i shall suggest mine use her inhaler as well next time she's giving me the evil breathing. I have 3 daughters so I've in this daughter-thing for the looooong haul, lucky me!

  5. Uh oh, a quick proof read correction on that comment ( before Toa Gabriel the SleeplessinSamoa Grammar Policeman sees it) I meant "or she could one day thank me for being a great mum on the title page of her Pulitzer prize winning novel!"

  6. Lani, you are not doing anything to help my aversion to having kids! I was never a rebellious child and spent all my time reading books (maybe you can get your daughter hooked on reading??) If all else fails….how about bribes?

  7. Hiya Lan – a love for good books is the ONE thing me and my daughter share and never argue about. (thank goodness there's something we can connect on) So I can use a book to bribe her/blackmail her into being pleasant. "If you do these chores and pretend like you're having a great time, I'll let you read Bk Two of the Hunger Games!" The downside of the book addiction is that she likes to stay up late reading and so that makes for a grouchy daughter the next day. Which isnt helped by the mother also staying up late reading/writing either…grouchy mothers and grouchy daughters are never a good combination.Lyfeslyrics, maybe girls just are great natural eye rollers? Maybe this daughter cant help it? It sounds like every woman i know is a pro at eye rolling! LOL

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